


We Can Never Be

by Sportscandycollective



Series: Fall Greater Than He Ever Knew AU [4]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst and Feels, Bad Ending, Denial, Forgiveness, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Piano, Regret, Reunions, Robbie is a supervillain, Self-Hatred, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-17 00:18:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10582473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sportscandycollective/pseuds/Sportscandycollective
Summary: A continuation of the ending given in "I Will Let You Down", which is the "bad ending" of A Fall Greater Than He Ever Knew.Robbie is greeted by an unexpected visitor while trying to find some peace and quiet.NOTICE: PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK ONTO OTHER WEBSITES.





	

There were times that it all got too much for Robbie.

As he strolled through the long, excessively lit passageways of his airbase, Robbie rubbed his temple, trying to soothe the returning headache that besieged him during times such as this. He needed to get away from everything. He needed space, and time away from the position he held. The responsibilities that plagued him and brought little satisfaction in return. He needed time away from the constant guarding, the constant bombardment of questions and requests. The constantly stressful position of being in charge of absolutely everything.

He needed to go to his sanctuary.

So, as Robbie strolled through the passageways, passively waving off the lines of agents who stood up straight and saluted him as he passed, he made a bee-line towards a specific door. He stopped in front of the door’s seam, turning to address one the agents that stood at guard.  
“Let the rest of the crew know that I need time to coordinate before our arrival and that I’m not to be disturbed.” Robbie commanded.  
The agent turned her attention to Robbie and gave him a firm salute. “Yes sir, Mr. Rotten.” She responded.  
Robbie only nodded in return. Carefully, he fished out a small, plastic keycard, jet black with his initials printed in loopy violet ink. Approaching the scanner, he quickly slid the plastic card through the slot, receiving a high-pitched and approving _beep_ in return. The large, metal door slid open, revealing a pitch-black room. Robbie strode inside, the door slamming shut behind him, cloaking him in darkness.  
As soon as the door shut and locked behind him, the sound of a sharp _click_ rang through the silence, and a single spotlight broke through the oppressively dark atmosphere of the room. Illuminated in its light was a gorgeous grand piano, painted in an ebony color that, without the light, allowed the piano to melt into the surrounding darkness. Sitting atop the piano was a large, crystalline vase, filled with white tulips and, strangely, a single red rose. Robbie quirked an eyebrow at the unusual flower bouquet. Who had arranged this vase? Robbie wasn’t particularly well versed in flower meanings, but if an agent had played a prank on him by arranging a bouquet with a particularly tasteless meaning, there’d be hell to pay.

Ignoring his annoyance over the flowers, he strode over to the piano, pulling out the leather-cushioned bench out to right where he usually wanted it. He carefully sat down, opening up the cover and folding the velvety red, protective sheet into a pile that he placed to the side. He stretched his fingers, twiddling them centimeters above the ivory keys. He sighed, trying to clear his mind of the swirling thoughts about the day and his responsibilities, to focus just this moment on what he wanted to play.  
Laying his fingers down, he started into a rendition of the Piano Concerto No. 2, starting with the Adagio Sostenuto part. For whatever reason lately, when he would find the time to go to his sanctuary, his mind almost instantly dove towards wanting to play something by Rachmaninoff or Tchaikovsky. Or, occasionally, some Chopin. Interesting; though he loved all three of those composers, he had felt himself especially drawn towards this concerto. Perhaps he was overthinking it. After all, he didn’t have to supply a reason to play beautiful, classical music.  
He exhaled through his nose and closed his eyes, allowing the music to engulf him. For the time, he was not in his claustrophobic airbase. No, as he paid attention only to the sound of his own piano playing, he was somewhere more…peaceful. Somehow, he could hear the lapping of water at the bottom of his boat, which he had paddled out into the middle of a placid lake. He could hear mysterious wild birds cooing and trilling in the distance, their forms hidden expertly behind the trailing and light branches of giant willow trees. The wind rustled the cattails and long grasses, bringing the strangely fragrant smell of wildflowers and cotton to his nose. Dragonflies dressed in greens and blues hovered and zipped past his head, flying together in corkscrews and loops. And the late afternoon sun speckled the water with golds and pinks, giving the lake an appearance akin to an Impressionist painting. Robbie sighed. _This_ was his sanctuary. For the first time in a while, it was like the world that truly existed around him never existed. That this was his reality. And it left him in peace.

Of course, like any great piece, it must come to an end. And as the song wound down to a quiet conclusion, Robbie could feel the serene scene fade once more into the ether, whatever permanence it had vanishing as he lifted his hands off the keys. He sighed; the silence once again surrounded him in its oppressive hold.

At least it did, until something broke through the silence.

The sound of hands clapping.

“Bravo, Robbie!”

Robbie shuddered, his body freezing at the sound of the voice. He kept his eyes focused down on the keys, his mind running in circles to convince him that he _did not hear_ his _voice_.  
His gauntlet clacked against the wooden finish, causing Robbie to jump. He couldn’t help himself as his eyes darted up momentarily, catching the sight of a smile. _His_ smile.  
“I never knew you could play the piano!”  
Footsteps. Robbie knew _he_ was drawing closer.  
“I like that tailcoat of yours, it really compliments your eyes. Is it new?”  
Robbie screwed his eyes shut. No, he was not going to go through this dialogue again. He’d gone through it enough times, and today he was not in the mood to do it again. His hands slipped from the keys and onto his lap. He clenched his thighs as he finally responded with, “Go away.”  
Robbie could almost feel the hurt and confusion in the man’s stance, hearing his boot shift gently against the metal floor.  
“I’m sorry?” asked the voice.  
Robbie shook his head, his hands balling into fists in his lap. “I said, _go away_. I know you aren’t real, so don’t bother.”  
“How do you know I’m not real? I’m standing right here, aren’t I?” asked the familiar voice.  
“Because,” Robbie said, clenching his teeth. He forced himself to look up, right into those baby-blue eyes that shattered his heart each time he thought about them. “You are _dead_.” He said through gritted teeth.  
Sportacus’s gaze lowered. He shrugged, giving a small, cheeky half-smile to the villain. “A minor inconvenience. But I’m here now, right? That part doesn’t matter, since now we can spend some time together. It’s definitely been a while.”  
Robbie gave the elf an incredulous look. “Doesn’t MATTER?! Do you even hear yourself?! Of course, it matters! Why are you here?” Robbie stopped, then furiously shook his head, turning away from Sportacus. “No, no you’re not here! The real question is why do I _think_ you’re here? You’re DEAD. There’s no possible way you could be here yet I’m seeing you? WHY am I seeing you?” said Robbie, slowly transitioning to talking to himself. “Why does this keep happening?” he muttered to himself.  
“Well, maybe you needed to talk to me? Perhaps you wanted to see me?” suggested Sportacus.  
Robbie’s attention shot back to Sportacus. “Why in hell would I want to see you?” he asked with a glare.  
Sportacus looked down thoughtfully, before giving another shrug and turning his attention towards the vase of flowers that sat on the piano. “That, I don’t know. I think only you know that part.”

Robbie, exasperated, slipped down onto the bench and buried his face into his hands. Internally he repeated the fact that this Sportacus wasn’t real, and that he had no wish to see him. Why would he repeat this encounter so many times? Does his mind _want_ to put him in pain? What point did any of this serve?  
Sportacus saw how distressed the villain appeared. Hoping to change the tone of the conversation, he smiled as he rubbed a tulip petal between his thumb and index finger. “This is a beautiful bouquet. An interesting arrangement, with a lot of meaning. Do you know what all of this means?”  
Robbie didn’t respond.  
Sportacus continued regardless. “These white tulips, they usually are used to signify forgiveness.” He said, plucking out a single tulip from the arrangement. He laid it on the keys of the piano. Robbie only gave it a side glance before continuing to bury his face in his hands.  
 “And interestingly, the inclusion of a single, red rose signifies enduring love. It’s used to mean that their love lasts forever, even after death.” Sportacus said, gently brushing his fingers across the top of the blossom.  
“Why are you telling me all this?” said Robbie, his voice muffled by his hands.  
“What?” asked Sportacus.

Robbie shot a look at the elf, his eyes growing increasingly watery as he stared the hero down. “I SAID, why are you telling me all that? Do you have some form of motive? Are you some sort of ghoul or wraith? Is your whole point in being here to torment me?”  
Sportacus’s eyes widened in horror. “What? No! I would never do such a thing!”  
“Then why are you here?!” Robbie asked angrily, standing up and glowering at the hero. “Haven’t you figured out that I don’t want you here? Haven’t you figured out that each time I see you, you only make me miserable?!”  
“Robbie, I…” Sportacus began to say.  
“Haven’t you figured out that all I can think about when you’re here is what I did?! Did you ever think that that _might_ just be a little painful? To be continuously reminded of one of the worst nights in my life?” Robbie continued.  
“Please, Robbie...” Sportacus begged.  
“OF COURSE YOU DON’T.” Robbie nearly yelled. His eyes were brimming with tears at this point. “You don’t think! You just waltz in here, pretending that everything is okay! That everything is fine and dandy and that what happened was no big deal!” he said in a mockingly sing-song tone. His lips were curled into a scowl. “Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand that it’s not okay?! That I haven’t been able to get a peaceful night’s sleep since then? That every day I’m reminded of what I did, and that it haunts me wherever I go? That each day I…” Robbie said.  
His face softened, the scowl vanishing. Tears rolled down his cheeks as the tension in his face loosened and faded. Sportacus could see him visibly shake.  
“I…” Robbie said, his voice growing quieter.  
He staggered forward, catching himself from falling by grabbing onto the piano.  
“I…” Robbie said, his voice almost inaudible at this point.

Sportacus, at first, only stood back as he saw the villain’s composure vanish like an ice cube in the desert. He watched the man hold back choked sobs as more tears rolled down his face, teardrops falling and forming a tiny puddle on the floor.  
Carefully, Sportacus stepped forward, pulling the broken man into his arms and holding him close. Robbie froze at the sudden contact, his sobbing only growing more violent and his breathing turning to gasping. Sportacus rubbed the villain’s back, gently hushing the Robbie’s sobs as he whispered reassuring words into his ear.  
“That’s it Robbie, remember to breathe.” Sportacus gently reminded him, as he heard the villain’s choked whimpers and sobs. He gently massaged the back of Robbie’s head.  
“I miss you, y-you stupid elf…” Robbie said, a few hiccups interrupting his words. “I miss your dumb smile, and your incessant f-flipping. I miss everything about you.”  
“I know Robbie. I know.” Said Sportacus quietly, as he continued to run his fingers through Robbie’s hair.  
Robbie trembled, and his thoughts warned him against buying into what he felt. “ _You know that he isn’t real. You know that his comfort is empty_.” His thoughts hissed at him. “ _Don’t buy into this_.”  
But Robbie couldn’t stop himself. He allowed himself to accept and believe what he saw and felt. As he cautiously wrapped his arms around him, returning his embrace, he could smell the elf’s unique scent. One that would draw those same painful memories back into his consciousness, and leave his heart aching with longing. Wildflowers, with a hint of musk. He leaned against the hero’s cheek, and traced little circles on Sportacus’s back.  
Sportacus nuzzled the crook between Robbie’s neck and shoulder, continuing to rub his back as the villain continued to cry.  
“It’s all my fault, Sportacus. It’s all my fault.” Robbie said tearfully  
“It’s okay, Robbie. It’s going to be okay.” Sportacus said in a hushed tone.  
“N-No it’s not.” Robbie protested, his fingers grasping at the back of the hero’s vest.  
“It will, Robbie. Trust me.” Said Sportacus reassuringly. “This will all be okay.”

“S-Stop lying, Sportaflop.” Robbie hissed. He pulled back so he could look the hero in the eyes. Not that it mattered, everything looked blurry and blob-like through his watery vision. “I k-killed you that night. I looked you in the eyes and s-stabbed you. I took your trust and broke it.”  
He looked away, biting his lip to fight back the encroaching tears. “I finally became the villain everyone wanted me to become. I gave in, and learned what it took to destroy countless peoples’ lives. I’ve been doing that for _over a decade_.”  
He let go of Sportacus as he paced away, a harsh laugh escaping his throat as he reminisced over his recent activities. “And you know what’s the _funniest_ part of all of this? I never in a million years would want this! So much blood spilled, so many lives ruined! For nothing!” He said, as he slammed his fist against the side of the piano.  
He glanced over his shoulder back at Sportacus, tears spilling down his face like a waterfall. “You were the one person I knew I wanted to be with all my life. The one person I knew who would be with me by my side, and follow me through the life I realized I wanted. One with you. And I murdered you, for all of this. What do I have instead? An empty, destructive, and meaningless life, hating myself each day and being haunted by the fact that I can’t take all of this back. I can never take what I _did to you_ back.”  
He turned away once more. “So, don’t you _dare_ tell me things will be okay. As long as you’re gone, nothing is okay. Nothing will _ever_ be okay anymore” Robbie said in a near whisper.

Robbie could hear footsteps once more, and before he could protest, he felt arms wrap around him, pulling him once more into an embrace. He shuddered, and his heart picked up the pace.  
“Robbie, you’ve forgotten what I told you on our first night together.” Sportacus said calmly, his voice like a soothing breeze against the fire building in Robbie’s chest.  
Robbie stood still, feeling the elf nuzzle the side of his cheek.  
“When you told me you felt like you had to be a villain, I said you didn’t have to be. You could have any life you wanted, as long as you put your mind to it.” Said Sportacus.  
“You don’t get it Sportadupe. I’ve done such horrible things since you died. I can’t take that back.” Robbie responded.  
“Perhaps not. But you can still work to try and make things right.”  
“Even if I did, or _could_ ,” Robbie said, before clenching his fist. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t take back the fact that I killed you. I can never make that right. And I can never forgive myself for that.”  
“But you don’t need to think like that!” Sportacus said. He hugged Robbie tighter. “I said something to you that last night we were together. Don’t you remember?”  
Robbie stayed silent.  
“I forgave you. And I still forgive you. I was never angry with you to begin with. Confused, yes. But I still forgave you. And through all that, I was also saying…”  
“Don’t.” Robbie said firmly, gritting his teeth.  
Sportacus continued regardless, placing a kiss on Robbie’s cheek. “… that I love you.” He said quietly.  
And at that, Robbie finally broke. Firmly, he stepped away from the elf’s embrace. He inhaled through his nose, and exhaled harshly. “You need to leave. Now.” He said under his breath.  
“Robbie?” asked Sportacus worriedly. He tried to approach the man once more, only to be forcefully pushed back by Robbie.  
“You heard me.” Robbie seethed. He glared at the elf. “You need to go. I want you gone.”  
“But Robbie, I’m trying to help you!” Sportacus protested.  
“You AREN’T HELPING.” Said Robbie forcefully. He took an aggressive step forward. “You AREN’T REAL. Everything you’re saying? You aren’t ACTUALLY SAYING. This isn’t helping! All it’s doing is reminding me of everything I wish I could hear, but never will! And guess what? That’s not helpful! So, LEAVE.” Robbie hissed.  
“Robbie, please, just listen to me. You know what I’m saying is true. Real or not, what I’m saying is what I’d actually say! You just need to listen! I’m trying to help you!” Sportacus said. The elf’s spirits fell as he looked into the villain’s eyes. “It doesn’t have to be like this, Robbie. There’s still time.”

Robbie turned away once more. He eyed the crystalline vase that still sat on the piano. He reached over, picking up the vase and holding it in his hands. His fingers clenched around the ridged surface, his thumb running over the edges. “You aren’t listening…you never listen…” he muttered to himself, firming his grasp on the vase.  
Sportacus, realizing what was coming next, only stood still, closing his eyes peacefully.  
“I SAID LEAVE!” Robbie screamed, as he blindly hurled the vase in Sportacus’s direction.  
The vase hit the ground hard and shattered into a million pieces, sending pieces of crystal glass and busted flower petals sliding across the smooth metal floor.  
Robbie panted, pieces of his hair falling onto his brow as he caught his breath, the adrenaline still coursing through his veins. He shut his eyes, focusing on not falling to the floor as the adrenaline threatened to collapse his still shaking legs. He grasped the side of the piano as he continued to gulp deep breaths of air, his heartrate gradually slowing back down. Once he stopped his head from spinning, stilling the adrenaline in his system, he opened his eyes once more.  
Sportacus was gone. Where he stood, only the pieces of the broken vase and a few scattered tulips remained. Robbie checked the keys of the piano. The tulip was gone.

He was alone. He had _always_ been alone.

Uneasily, Robbie stepped forward. He crouched down, and carefully picked up the single rose from the pile of broken crystal and crushed tulip petals. Standing back up, he twirled the red rose in his hand, pieces of glass spinning off the blossom as he did. He sighed, forcing his eyes closed once more as he pressed the rose’s stem to his forehead, ignoring the pricking of its thorns. His mind was still swimming, left a mess by his “encounter” with the elf.

_I forgave you._

Robbie slowly turned back to the piano, walking gingerly around the broken vase pieces back towards the bench.

_I still forgive you_.

He sat down, placing the rose by his side as he prepared to place his hands back on the keys. He noticed his hands were still trembling. He forced them to settle as he laid his fingertips back down on the smooth ivory.

_I love you_.

Robbie leaned forward, unable to focus on what he wanted to play. He settled on simply resting his forehead on the cool and polished wood of the piano, his hands still laying limp on the keys. He slowly closed his eyes, instead focusing on his breathing, as well as the ever-present silence and darkness of the room around him. He tried to find some solace in the solitude.

A sputtering of steam and a hiss signaled the opening of the door, accompanied by the single beam of light illuminating the darkened room. A lone agent’s shadow cut through the filtered light. He stood at attention, his eyes directed straight at Robbie.  
“Sir?” he asked cautiously. He had never seen his commander look as…broken as he did then.  
“What do you want, agent?” Robbie asked, his head still resting against the piano and his eyes still shut.  
The agent cleared his throat nervously. “I’ve been asked to inform you that we have an ETA of ten minutes to LazyTown, sir.”  
The agent could hear Robbie exhale a sigh through his nose. Robbie sat back up slowly, smoothing the hair off his brow. He opened his eyes and looked at the agent with as much poise and composure as he could muster, given how drained he felt.  
“Inform your superior that I will be present on the bridge in five minutes.” Robbie said firmly.  
The agent saluted Robbie. “Yes sir.”  
“And agent,” Robbie added. “Tell whomever put the flower arrangement in here to cease decorating with them here. I don’t want to see flowers in this room ever again.”  
The agent gave a single nod. “I will ensure that that order is made clear, sir.”  
Robbie nodded. “Good. You are dismissed.” He said.  
The agent saluted once more, before turning on his heel and marching away. The doors closed behind the agent, leaving Robbie alone once again in the darkened room.

Once the agent was gone, Robbie only sighed. He gently placed his hands on the piano, and began to play a directionless, yet distinctly melancholic tune, as he stared blankly at the space where the elf once stood.

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, that was thorougly depressing, huh? I realize it's been a while since I've built on the "bad ending" of A Fall Greater Than He Ever Knew. When was the last time I wrote something for that? Like, December? I apologize, I know I said I would work on more for the alternate timeline of that AU. 
> 
> In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this one-shot! And thank you all for reading!


End file.
